那些年，我和父亲在老福特车里谈论性｜点拨悦读
今日导读
早些年，中国书本上的性教育只涵盖生殖器的构造普及和精子卵子结合的过程两块，伦理道德等方面的性教育都是通过家长、教师扭曲的表情和极少的语言来传递的。所以很多未成年通过非官方的手段获取性知识以满足好奇心，还有很多学生快要大学毕业了，还觉得“性”是一件很肮脏的东西而不去了解。然而近年来层出不穷的虐童、侵害事件让我们无法再忽视这门本该每个孩子必修的课程。那么性教育到底是什么样的呢？看看文中这位父亲20年前是怎么做的吧！
妙词速览
bookish：adj. 书本上的；好读书的；书呆子气的
flush：n. 激动，洋溢；面红；萌芽；旺盛；奔流 vt. 使齐平；发红，使发亮；用水冲洗；使激动 vi. 发红，脸红；奔涌；被冲洗 adj. 大量的；齐平的；丰足的，洋溢的；挥霍的
snap：vt. 突然折断，拉断；猛咬；啪地关上 vi. 咬；厉声说；咯嗒一声关上 n. 猛咬；劈啪声；突然折断 adj. 突然的
ersatz：adj. 代用的；人造的；假的 n. 代用品；仿制品
begrudgingly：adv. 吝啬地；小气地
文章正文
Talking Sex With Dad (in the Ford Taurus)
那些年，我和父亲在一辆老福特车里谈论性
Before his fingers had reached the volume knob to turn off Steely Dan, I already knew: My bookish and tightly wound father was about to tell me something I did not want to hear.
I was only 14 but could recognize the signs: the ambiguous errand that required us to drive into Chicago from our suburb; the unusually tight grip on the steering wheel; the uncomfortable sigh as he turned off the tape deck (Talking Heads if I was lucky, Bob Seger if I was not); and — more than anything else — the acute sensation that I was going to vomit.
在他手指碰到音量旋钮，关掉Steely Dan之前，我已经知道：我那书卷气十足、紧张敏感的父亲，将要告诉我一些我不想听的东西。
当时我只有14岁，但我能察觉出这些迹象：一项需要我们从居住的郊区开车前往芝加哥市区的语焉不详的任务；被他异常紧紧握住的方向盘；他关掉播放器时发出的不舒服的叹息声（如果我幸运的话，放的是Talking Heads，如果不走运的话，是鲍勃·西格[Bob Seger])；最重要的是——我快要呕吐了！
“You know,” he said, his eyes mercifully fixed on the road. “When I was your age, the nuns told us that mas-tur-ba-tion” — his was so uncomfortable with the word, he almost added an extra syllable — “was a mortal sin.”
My face flushed, my head turned toward the billboard careering past us and I rolled my eyes so hard that the gesture was nearly audible.
“Do you know what that means?” he asked.
“Yes, Dad!” I snapped, hoping that one of us would have an aneurysm.
“I don’t mean mas-tur-ba-tion. I’m sure you’ve figured that out by now,” he continued, as I prayed for the ability to time-travel, like I’d seen in “A Wrinkle in Time.” “I mean ‘mortal sin.’ The nuns were saying that mas-tur-bat-ing was on the same level of sinning as murder.”
“你知道吗，”他说，谢天谢地他眼睛看着的是路。“在我像你这么大的时候，修女们告诉我们，“自-慰”——这个词让他很不舒服，他几乎增加了一个音节——“是一种大罪。”
我的脸涨得通红，我的头转向从我们身边掠过的广告牌，使劲地翻着白眼，使劲到几乎可以听到。
“你知道这意味着什么吗？”他问。
“知道的，爸爸！“我大声说到，真希望我们其中一个得了动脉瘤。
“我不是指自-慰。我确信你已经明白了，”他继续说道，我祈祷自己有穿越时空的能力，就像《时间的皱纹》(A Wrinkle in Time)里的那样。“我是说‘大罪’，修女们说自慰和谋杀是同一个程度的大罪。”
You know that scene at the beginning of “Lady Bird” when Saoirse Ronan throws herself out of a moving vehicle to avoid talking to her mother for one second longer? That was me in my teens, convinced that grave bodily injury or death would be preferable to what I was hearing from the passenger seat of the family Ford Taurus station wagon, doled throughout my adolescence.
On puberty: “God gives young men the equipment for sex way before he gives them the knowledge of how to have sex responsibly.”
On pornography: “Hell, Shane, I’m not going to tell you that I never peeked at a Playboy in my day. But if you look at stuff like that, you have to remember that that woman isn’t a thing, she’s a person.”
On sex and media: “If an alien came down to earth and watched TV for 24 hours straight, they would think that all we did is have sex all day and that it was the most important thing in our lives. Well, let me tell you: It’s not.”
On “It’s Raining Men,” when it came on the radio and I changed the station to avoid seeming gay (which I very much was): “What are you doing? That song’s a classic! Paul Shaffer wrote this!”
你知道《伯德小姐》(Lady Bird)开头的那一幕吗？就是西尔莎·罗南(Saoirse Ronan)为了不再和她妈妈多说一秒钟，让自己从正在行驶的汽车上摔了下来那一幕。我十几岁的时候就是那个样子，比起我整个青春期在福特金牛座旅行车的客座上一点一点听到的东西，身体重伤或死亡都要好一点。
关于青春期，父亲说：“上帝在教给年轻人如何负责任地做爱之前，就给了他们做爱的工具。"
关于色情作品，他说：“嘿，谢恩，我不会告诉你我小时候从没偷偷看过《花花公子》。但是如果你看着这样的东西，你必须记住，女人不是一个物品，而是一个人。”
关于性和媒体：“如果外星人来到地球，连续24小时看电视，他们会认以为我们整天都在做爱，这是我们生活中最重要的事情。但是我告诉你：它不是。
关于《天上下男人》(It’s Raining Men)，当收音机放到这首歌时，我换了台，以避免我看起来像同性恋者（其实我就是）：“为什么要换台？那首歌很经典！保罗·谢弗(Paul Shaffer)写的！”
I was a fat, closeted teenager who loved musical theater and hated my body, so hearing my father say any of this felt like a violation of the Geneva Conventions. My father — a Catholic baby boomer from Cleveland whose own father wouldn’t let him listen to the Rolling Stones because the music was too risqué — couldn’t have enjoyed these chats any more than I did.
And yet these exercises in mutually assured embarrassment continued for my entire youth. The only thing that stopped them was me moving out of the house.
But it turned out even that couldn’t end them. You can take the teenager out of the Ford Taurus, but you can’t take the unendurable sex talk out of the teenager. Sure, being an ersatz adult meant that I could do all the things my teenage id yearned to do — drink alcohol, take drugs and (try to) have sex — but it didn’t mean that I could forget the ordeals my father put me through on the highways of Chicagoland.
我当时是一个胖胖的、没出柜的少年，喜欢音乐剧院，讨厌自己的身体，所以听我父亲说的这一切都感觉像是在违反《日内瓦公约》。我父亲——一个克利夫兰天主教婴儿潮时期出生的人，一个因为父亲觉得滚石(Rolling Stones)音乐粗俗而不让他听的人——也跟我一样，不可能享受这些对话。
然而，这些这互相都觉得尴尬的练习持续了我整个青春。只有等我搬出了家才能停下来。
但事实证明，即使这样它也没有结束。你可以把这个青少年从福特车座里带走，但是你无法将让人难以忍受的性谈话从他脑海中抹去。当然，我已经是一个伪成年人了，这意味着我可以做所有我十几岁时渴望做的事情——喝酒、吸毒和（尝试）做爱——但这并不意味着我能忘掉父亲在芝加哥高速公路上给我带来的折磨。
And worst of all: I’m grateful for it.
Twenty years after ye old masturbation lecture, I marvel at how relevant — straight up zeitgeisty! — my father’s advice has proved.
Long before our current understanding of consent and all that it entails, he imparted to me that we need to differentiate between what our libidos signal and what’s right for ourselves and our partners.
My father couldn’t have predicted how pornography would become more widely available and exponentially more explicit than the Playboys he mentioned, but he helped prepare me to consume pornography with a critical eye.
Today I’m one of those queers who can find a narrative about sexuality in anything. But my father’s warning that sex was “not as important as the sitcoms would have us believe” has often reminded me that sex in America is as much marketing as it is a means of pleasure or self-expression.
I begrudgingly thank my father for these excruciating exchanges we shared in the 1990s. Today, when some men seem to confuse physical abuse with consensual role play, when teenagers are consuming pornography at a younger age, and when abstinence-only sex education is getting a renewed push, I look back and realize what a blessing it was to have a father who made me want to crawl out of my own skin every now and then. (Also, I spent pretty much my entire 20s embarrassing him back.)
And you know what? “It’s Raining Men”is a classic and Paul Shaffer did write it.
But I will still never forgive my father for making me listen to Bob Seger.
然而最糟糕的是：我竟然感激这一切。
在听了那节关于自慰的课20年后，我惊叹它和生活是多么的相关——简直就是时代精神！——我父亲的建议已经证明了这一点。
在人们就知情同意权及其种种后果形成当下的认识之前，他早已告诉我，我们需要区分我们的性欲信号，以及如何妥善对待自己和伴侣。
我父亲不可能预测得到，现在色情作品比他提到的《花花公子》更容易获取且越来越露骨，但他教会了我用批判性的眼光去消费色情。
今天，我成为了能在任何事物里找到性故事的酷儿。但是我父亲曾警告过我，性“没有情景喜剧中展现的那么重要”，这一点经常提醒我，在美国，性既是一种快乐或自我表达的方式，也是一种营销产品。
虽然我很不情愿，但我还是要感谢父亲在上世纪90年代和我进行了这些让我苦恼的交流。今天，当一些男人把身体虐待和双方自愿的角色扮演混为一谈，当青少年在更早的时候就开始消费色情制品，当只提禁欲的性教育再次受到推动，我回过头来，意识到有一个时不时让我尴尬到无处可逃的父亲，是多么地幸运。（反过来，我二十来岁的时候，也没少做让他难堪的事。）
而且你知道吗？《天上下男人》是一首经典作品，保罗·谢弗写的。
但是，我依然永远不能原谅父亲让我听鲍勃·西格。
拓展阅读
性教育是什么？
性教育（英语：Sex Education）是关于人类的性表象的教育，内容包括情感关系和责任、人类的性生殖器结构、性行为、性生殖、最低合法性交年龄、生殖健康、生育权、安全性行为、避孕以及性禁欲。涵盖以上范畴的性教育称为综合性性教育。性教育的常见提供者/组织包括父母等照顾者、正规学校课程和公共卫生活动。
性教育发展概况
传统上，许多身处于不同文化的青少年没有机会接触关于性的任何正规资讯，对相关问题的探讨也遭视为禁忌。在以往，性教育只局限于父母对其子女在结婚前留下的一些教导。但是始于19世纪后期的进步主义教育运动使得北美学校开始引入像“社会卫生课”般的课程，象征着正规学校性教育课程的开始。尽管有了学校的正规性教育课程，但在20世纪中叶，大多数关于人类的性表象的信息都是靠朋辈和媒体等非正式管道传播，当中许多知识皆是有所缺失，甚至是错误的。西方国家的少女怀孕率日益增加更使得此一缺陷表露无遗。当时许多西方国家为了减少少女的怀孕率，开始纷纷引入性教育课程，但初期仍受到家长们和宗教团体强烈反对。
艾滋病的爆发最终使得性教育的迫切性大大增加。大多数科学家认为性教育对于不少艾滋病日见盛行的非洲国家而言，是一件非常重要的公共卫生策略。像美国计划生育联合会般的国际组织认为，广泛的性教育对全球皆有一定的好处，例如控制人口过剩、提高女性权利。
中国大陆性教育
进入21世纪，中国性文化在日渐开放、包容中不断前行，但另一方面极端保守、压抑的性伦理依然如影随行。保守势力的舆论施压，使中国性教育面临巨大的社会舆论挑战。2004年时，北京、重庆、深圳启用了性教育试点工作，教材尺度问题曾一度引起保守派人士的非议，教材被称作“黄色漫画”。与此同时，美国、英国、瑞典、芬兰等发达国家，性教育则从儿童期开始就系统起步，中国性教育仍然远远落后于欧美国家。自2010年之后，虽然中国的性教育已有所发展，义务教育生物课本已大量补充性教育内容，许多一线城市的学校已设立“生理卫生课”。但在应试教育体制唯升学至上的前提下，性教育至今没有被列入教育课程大纲。