为什么有些成年人表现得像个幼稚小孩？

　　内在小孩是每个人内心中的孩子，这个内在孩子不会随着我们的年龄增长而增长，相反，他会永远像一个孩子一样珍藏在我们的内心中。每当你在现实生活中、学习、工作、遇到人际关系问题的时候，创伤小孩都会跳出来影响着你。所以，一个人尽管已经成年，看起来很成熟，但在遇到一些特殊情况时，依然会表现得像个小孩。如果你的 内在小孩被唤醒，该怎么办呢？

　　Why Some Adults Can’t Act Their Age/

　　为什么有些成年人表现得像个幼稚小孩？

　　Sometimes at moments of particular stress, one adult will turn to another and say: ‘Stop behaving like a child.’ Or even, ‘Act your age.’ This isn’t merely rude – though might be that too.

　　在面临特别大的压力时，一个成年人往往会对另一个成年人说：“别跟个小孩似的。”甚至说，“要有大人的样子。”这不仅无礼，尽管可能确实无礼。

　　It seems that in contact with given challenges, we can revert back quite quickly to an earlier stage in our development. We leave behind our adult faculties, the ones associated with reason, logic, calm, strength, and perspective, and slip very quickly into a child-like spectrum marked by panic, rage, despair, terror and appeasement.

　　在面对特定的压力时，我们似乎会快速恢复到幼稚小孩阶段。不顾成年人具备的能耐，抛弃掉那些成年人才具有的理性、逻辑、冷静、力量与远光，快速坠落到类似于幼稚小孩的层级，这一层级的标志是恐慌、愤怒、绝望、恐惧和安抚。

　　The specific occasions that shift us from adult to child are an individual guide to our own traumas. The reason why we behave like a child is that traumas selectively arrest emotional development. A part of us is going to remain fixed at whatever age we become traumatised at; so though we may be 28 or 72, we will to all intents – in contact with a certain inflammatory situation – resemble the frightened, bewildered and ashamed 3- or 5-year-olds we once were – though of course we’ll be unlikely to notice this. No bell goes off in the mind to signal, ‘You’re now shifting from being 32 to being 2.’ The transition happens in a flash, and it’s the work of years of therapy and self-exploration to be able to notice the shift and take measures to soften the damage.

　　迫使我们从成年人退变成幼稚小孩的特定情形，是疗愈我们个人创伤的指南。我们表现得像个幼稚小孩的原因是，创伤会选择性地阻止情绪的成熟。无论在哪个年龄受到过伤害，我们内心的某个角落都会留下难以消除的伤口；因此，尽管我们可能已经28岁或72岁，在面对一些激烈的情形时，本质上我们与易受惊吓、充满困惑和容易羞耻的3或5岁小孩无异。当然，我们不太可能意识到这一点。因为大脑不会发出任何警示信号，大声告诉我们：“你现在从32岁变成2岁小孩了。”过渡转变得太快，而要注意到这种转变并采取措施减轻损害，则需要多年的心理治疗和探索自我。

　　To guess at our original traumas, we need only to study triggering situations and then generalize outwards from them. Let’s imagine that we get very worked up about a difficulty at passport control with a stern officer or about a dispute with a neighbour who is threatening legal action because a tree we planted is blocking their view. When we erase away the local details, we may be able to see an elemental structure and can then ask ourselves questions accordingly: a powerful man is adopting a bullying manner towards us. Does this remind us of anything in the past? Or: we’re suddenly being accused of having done something ‘bad’ that we had no idea about and the repercussions feel severe. Does this sound in any way familiar?

　　要摸清创伤的根源，我们只需要探究触发这种转变的特定情形，然后梳理出轮廓。假设因为在护照检查处遇到一名严厉的官员，或者因为我们种的一棵树挡住了邻居的视线而被威胁起诉，我们非常容易激动得像个小孩。当抹去局部细枝末节后，我们基本可以看清轮廓，然后相应地问自己：一个强势的人采取欺凌的方式对待我们，这让我们想起了过去的什么事情吗？或者：我们突然被指责做了一些“坏事”，而且后果严重，但我们对此毫不知情。这听起来似曾相识吗？

　　Memories tend to emerge. That stern passport officer might map with eerie precision onto an extremely frightening father. Or a legal dispute might in its psychological fundamentals hint at some awful bullying one suffered at school.

　　创伤的记忆开始浮现。那名检查护照的严厉官员可能与你家那位可怕的父亲非常相似。或者一桩法律纠纷在心理层面上可能暗示着我们曾经在学校受到过可怕的欺凌。

　　When there is a certain kind of crisis, we should notice how fast we can fall through the floors of adulthood, ten or twenty or forty years/storeys below the present to the child-like basement of the mind. A part of us needs to hold the other steady, see the hole blown in our minds by a triggering event and then ensure that we can step carefully around the gap and take a seat somewhere very safe on the edge of the room, while we wait for reason to repair the damage.

　　当一种特定的危机发生时，我们要留意到，我们会以多快的速度从成年的层级坠落，从当下的10层、20层或40层楼，坠落到心智如孩童般幼稚的地下深渊。我们内心的一侧需要稳定另一侧，看到触发事件在大脑切开的缺口，我们要确保可以小心地绕过这个缺口，在内心的边缘找到一处安宁，冷静等待理智来修复缺口。

　　We’re so afraid of patronising ourselves, we can find it very hard to accept the bewildering way in which, in certain areas, at times, we truly can be slammed back into being a frightened, panicky, perspective-less younger version of ourselves. The floors in our minds may be prone to collapse?at moments of stress; but knowing the danger is more than half-way to a solution – and greater and deserved calm.

　　我们非常害怕看不起自己，在某些领域，在某些时候，我们真的会很难接受，不明所以地被猛烈推落到更加恐惧、惊慌和没有洞察力的幼稚的地下深渊。我们坚硬的心墙在紧张的时刻可能会倒塌，但是知道危险已经成成功了一半，并获得更超然、更无愧的宁静。

　　翻译：良哥

　　source: The School of Life